Jesus

Peter couldn't sleep the rest of the night. He laid in bed and closed his eyes, but he did not sleep. He had visions of hospitals, babies being born, lovers growing old, old friends giving stuff away to charity, wrapping gifts. He had completely forgotten about the snakes. They were the least of his worries.. He figured it was far too late, there was no going back at this point. But he just spent all night putting these words together to make it sound right.. "Fuck you." He started his sentence. "You're just like everybody else. You lied about you not letting yourself be pushed away by me, just like I lied about not being jealous. After all, we are humans.. You've kept me awake until sunrise, thinking of your beautiful eyes, Your perfect smile. I really do trust you, but some things just didn't seem right, like you just stopped writing me completely, instead of telling me you had to go. But when I write you at 3 in the morning because I was dreaming of snakes, you write me back saying you just got home. I've realized what the snake was. The snake was you..and maybe I'm the snake too. You made me feel welcomed, loved, adored, you made me feel like a king. You told me I shouldn't be complaining because my life was so perfect.. I told you from the first time we started talking that money, wasn't shit to me, money is just greed, camouflaged in green. Money is power, money is hate and debt. I drive a brand new shiny car, yes, but what's so great about having it if I have no one to share it with, I use it to go to work and back, and I only go back home because I have no other option. If I could I'd use that brand new car to drive to fucking California and never come back. If you don't understand. Think about this, what's the point of having a 2 seater bike, if I ride it by myself? My family, my family is perfect! And I hate that.. I'm the black sheep in my household. I can never talk to anyone about my deepest pains because if I ever do, the answer is always 'you need to go to church and accept Jesus Christ' but that's not what's going to answer my problems. I need someone to talk to, someone to explain my frustrations, who will hear what I have to say and try their best to understand. I've realized that I couldn't find that in you either, whenever I would try to say anything, you just hung up the phone, typical, just like everybody else, metaphorically, they just hang up the phone, just stop paying attention, and it hurts me.. I have so many emotions bottled up, so much frustration that if I were to ever have sex, that woman would be pleased for the next two weeks with her legs sore.. But instead, all I have in my life, all I've had for the past three years was my trusty hand. Never gone anywhere, and hopefully never will.. So you see, I thought I needed you, but I don't, you can go fuck yourself, or maybe one of your friends, I'm not worth your time, I'm not worth anyone's time, you've lost my respect, you've lost my love, you've lost all that I could possibly give you, all that I ever knew. Just like everybody else that I thought deserved it, thanks for proving me right."