Blissful Living

"I long for that moment, that feeling. Those short minutes that pass by unnoticeably fast, but feel like an eternity when you are in the moment. That 30 minute drive down the desertic road, only a few cars in sight, and nothing but desert bushes, and a long empty road. Those few hours of infinite joy, of feeling like nothing but a tiny insignificant particle on a dusty boulder, so useless, but so crucial to the balance of life itself. The dark storm clouds, loaded with the essence of flourishing life, looming over the hot, dry sand, waiting patiently for its blessing. That perfect moment in time that only you can see, and understand." Peter sat in the seat, admiring the beauty that has been given to these worthless humans, "all they do is tear down the beauty and build ugly useless buildings, buildings that eventually will be torn down by time, and the very force that they have tried to destroy in the first place." Peter laughed at all the inconsiderate people who can not find beauty, "little did they know, the beauty was right in front of them, since the beginning of time. But these humans are just so concentrated on looking in the mirror and trying to beautify themselves that they lose sense of what beauty really is." These realizations made Peter feel blissful, he couldn't stop observing the mountains, imagining all the life that is and used to be. 

The Never Ending Story

A lit cigarette burned slow between peters chapped lips, the smoke crawled up his pale face, and left its signature stench in his messy, uncombed, brown hair. He sat in his favorite chair, it was 2 am and he could see flashes of lightning in the distance, there's was no audible thunder but he waited patiently for the rain, he liked the rain. He took a long drag, held the smoke in for a while, then let it out slowly, savoring every last puff like it was his last. Peter had lost all emotion at this point, happiness, sadness, grief, pain, laughter... He was just a blob, nothing, he had nothing to look forward to, nothing to desire, he'd completely lost his mind. His days consisted of fighting dragons, mixing ingredients and making potions, and making steel plated armor. Some days he'd pick up an ak47 and shoot down nazi zombies, then he'd take a break and smoke a cigarette and go right back to where he left off. Other days he'd just sit and watch his fish tank, staring at it for so long he was convinced that he was a fish swimming inside the aquarium, floating so gracefully between the plants, and chasing his other companions. Peters mind had become blank, he had lost contact with all human life, and he did not desire interaction with anyone, he liked his world just the way it was. The days he had to do errands were nightmares. There were always awkward looks and situations, he never knew what to say and if he did.. Well he'd only make it awkwardly painful. His sentences weren't long, he never tried to have a conversation, he just wanted to get to the point, and get out. One thing Peter did love was sleeping.. He liked the darkness, the quiet, the dreams that he could almost never remember. It's too late for Peter, but his stories will never end.

Earth To Stranger

Peter had had too much to drink, his opinions were like kittens he was giving them away... "It's time I let everybody know.... My favorite color is red! My head is full of dread, my thoughts have turned to knots, and if I had to make the right decision, I'd probably go left. If anybody ever counted on me, I'd probably sing the alphabet, and if you ever thought I could be someone to look up to, you'd better look down. I'm no comedian, I'm no clown, I'm just a regular person, with an alter ego that expresses his nothingness for life. A sense of release, getting drunk at night listening to old music and wishing I lived in the past. I'll never judge a book by its cover, but I sure as hell will make assumptions, and until you prove me wrong, I will stick to those precautions. I may be rambling, but that's what I like to do. When I hang out with my true friends, I sit in silence and enjoy the company, talking is completely obsolete, actions speak louder then words, and what's even better then any action in the world, is sitting in silence by someone you cherish and bask in the glorious sounds of our planet earth. People get bored easy, and don't appreciate what's important, they like loud music, and stupid sounds that come from a computer, open your ears to the sound of earths first concept of music, the crickets, the birds, the frogs, they were here long before us, their music is older then light itself. Come back down to earth, you've gone way too far!" 

Can't Find A Way Back

Peter was unsure... Unsure of his decisions, unsure of where he lived, unsure of what he believed, he wasn't sure of what he saw on a daily basis, it all felt like a dream, he was unsure of life itself.. He wasn't sure of where he was going, or what he wanted to do, he wasn't even sure of why. Peter didn't see a point in living, he saw no point in being social, he didn't want to talk to anybody or be around people. He hated everybody, but he hated himself even more. Talking was a useless human interaction, and emotions were even less useful. He soaked his bones with alcohol and let all the excess water pour out of his body. He wanted to care, he wanted to love, he wanted to make someone feel special, but he's long forgotten how to do any of that, he's spent too much time wallowing in his own pity that he's just forgotten.. Forgotten to the point where he won't even let anyone into his life to remind him what life is all about, "but honestly," he said aloud under the polluted night sky, "life is simpler this way,  I have less to worry about and it's very satisfying," little things made him happy, and big problems never bothered him, all he ever worried about we're if he had enough cigarettes and alcohol to make it through the night... And he had plenty of both. He took another sip from his cup, "solitude is bliss, forget all the outside problems, as long as I have a place to rest my head and close my eyes, maybe one of these nights I won't open them ever again!" He didn't need love, he didn't need friends, he didn't need a home or a car, God gave us feet, and I damn sure will use them!" He chuckled, there really wasn't anything funny but he just laughed at himself and how far he had gotten to being absolutely nobody in a land of nothing. 

Born To Die

A pile of hot coals laid on the ground, burning with an orange glow, consuming itself, each coal enjoying the company of its fellow brothers and sisters, all burning passionately together. Peter sat in front of the small orange light, he watched the way some parts of the pile burned hotter, brighter than the rest, then they calmed down and got back to the same glow as the rest. He watched, as over time the coals began to turn grey as a layer of ash grow on each coal, and eventually fall off. Peters father came out and began to scold him, his father kept telling him what a fool he was being, how peters decisions could be better, "do what I tell you, Peter, I'm older, stronger, wiser, I know what's good for you!" Peter listened to every single word he said, and it infuriated him, it annoyed him, it was like a mosquito buzzing in his ear, but this mosquito he could not smack away. His father continued to scour him with "wise words" and "good advice" Peter had so much to say in return, but instead he sat in silence and let this man scrub him down to the bone, Peter held in his tears, he held in all his pain, he held in all his anger, his agony, his misery, he felt no need to prove himself, because it would be no use. He sat there and let this man feed him all these "tips and tricks" to life, but Peter felt it was no use, that his father was wasting his time and energy because no matter how many times he tells Peter, he still will not learn.. As humans, the best way for us to learn is by experience, by trial and error, by disappointment, success, achievement, by seeing results... This is why Peter did not speak once, he did not try to argue.. He just watched the coals burn with the flaming passion they had, and just like the coals, he enjoyed the comfort of his burning brothers and sisters, burning and burning and burning through layers, ash growing on him until he was just a pile of cool ash, only to be sweeped away by the air. 

Time

The music played, Peter felt its immense power come above him, the sweet melody, the cool tone came above him like a cloud of dust, carrying him away to a place far away. He could hear the clock ticking and with every second that passed he could feel his body transporting into the future, second by second. He realized he was a living, breathing time machine, carrying on a forgotten culture, a self destructive civilization. "I'd like to be here, but I can't!!" He smiled at the phrase, "I'm going to find my mind, I'm going to find my sanity, I'm going to fulfill what I'm supposed to do, I will never fail," he was confident, he was sure, he finally felt.... happy. "I will not let anyone ruin this, I have found my path and I will follow it, til the end, the end of time, the end of eternity!" This was a new Peter, one that not even Peter himself could recognize, and that was a sure sign of truly finding his sanity once again.

After Words

"Death seems like the only answer," Peter thought to himself. He was truly sick of life and being alive. The thought of death was beginning to sound like a good idea, he was on the edge of madness. He could feel terror coming near, he could hear screams, see blood, fear was nearing the hearts of many. He felt controlled by a higher power that was not god, he knew something was going on, something beyond anyone's control and he didn't want to be a part of it. He couldn't drink his sorrows away, he didn't have any smoke to help him forget, the pain, the grief, the miserable feeling of loneliness was growing larger on him, it was beginning to feel heavy, unbearable, he was drowning terribly and there was nobody reaching out to save him... He wanted to lay down in his bed and never wake up, he wanted to see what was after this plain, monotonous "life" that we have been given. "Maybe I'm not going to happy place afterwards, but maybe I am, I will never find out unless I go..."