Back

As you may have never noticed. Peter has been gone for quite some time. He's been on a vacation, a sort of road trip, taking in experiences from an elevated point of view. He had taken off to see the country, to see his people in this place we call home. 

Peter sat in his dark lonely void once again. Remembering the pain, the grief, the memories that made him... Peter. He drank his cat blood and smoked his cigarette. Thinking back at all he had seen, all he'd forgotten, the faces he'd never see again. Life was a realm, and he was the King. 

Peter was sitting down watching the stars fall and planets explode when it all came to him suddenly, all his angst, his anger, his self essence... Suddenly he was sitting within his void, on his throne of old dirty laundry and forgotten photos. "It feels good to be back... Well not really, but I'm back". He listened to the motors roar and it hurt his ears. He had tried to make human contact once again and was rejected.. Once again. It all came back as fast as a flash of lightning, rising up from the ground and creating a loud thunderous roar "I AM PETER PARAY" how did he forget? He had found bliss for what felt like a year, but suddenly had turned into a few seconds. "Where did the time go? All those scenarios and landscapes that I had seen with my own eyes, felt with the very core of my essence, it all turned into one long dream. One beautiful, vivid dream". He tried to live it again but it had passed so fast.. "I'm back to where it all started," but something had changed. His anger was angrier, his disappointment was more disappointing, but more importantly, his void was darker then ever before. 

Bickering Brothers

Looking in from the inside, Peter truly understood what he's always known. Fighting with yourself to make the world your home, but no matter how hard he tried, he's never really been a part of it. Wondering if tomorrow will ever come, closing his eyes every night, thinking he'd never open them again. "I've found my peace, but I can help but wonder what it would've been like. The butterfly effect, a single word, an action, accepting her dollar for a cigarette, it could've changed tomorrow. A good deed goes unnoticed, but a bad thought never goes unpunished." He sat and relished in his foolish wisdom, so bizarre and absurd it sounded almost intelligent. "Everything happens for a reason, and it's all led to this moment, this very second." He regretted nothing and took it all in as if he knew it were coming. Peter was no saint, Peter was no prophet, but he took in life good or bad and turned it in to his twisted fate, is altered future that he called "home."

Spiked

"Hey, babe! Didya miss me?" Peter spoke with confidence, trying to hide his low self esteem. "Nah..." Replied the sweet mellowed out voice of a woman. "I know, that was a rhetorical question you fucking cunt.." The answer only completely annihilated his never existing hope. He spat out words as if they were numbers to a math equation, they had no meaning to him but since he knew how they worked and how to place them, he might as well use them. He sipped from his red coca-cola can and made a grimacing face, twisted and contorted for a few seconds then back to the emotionless, hopeless grin he always has. He sat there staring at the long, green pasture, swaying in the gusty wind, imagining the life of an ant. The woman would curiously watch him as he would move his lips as if whispering a secret to the wind. "What makes you tick Peter?" Peter did not hear her, he was occupied in his own world. "Peter. What makes you tick??" A bit louder she asked again. Peter stopped whispering but still did not hear. There was a loud engine flying above them. Once the engine was barely audible she asked again, a bit annoyed, "what the hell is going through your head all the time Peter?! Peter looked at her directly in the eyes, as if he still did not hear her, but she knows he did.. 

Blissful Living

"I long for that moment, that feeling. Those short minutes that pass by unnoticeably fast, but feel like an eternity when you are in the moment. That 30 minute drive down the desertic road, only a few cars in sight, and nothing but desert bushes, and a long empty road. Those few hours of infinite joy, of feeling like nothing but a tiny insignificant particle on a dusty boulder, so useless, but so crucial to the balance of life itself. The dark storm clouds, loaded with the essence of flourishing life, looming over the hot, dry sand, waiting patiently for its blessing. That perfect moment in time that only you can see, and understand." Peter sat in the seat, admiring the beauty that has been given to these worthless humans, "all they do is tear down the beauty and build ugly useless buildings, buildings that eventually will be torn down by time, and the very force that they have tried to destroy in the first place." Peter laughed at all the inconsiderate people who can not find beauty, "little did they know, the beauty was right in front of them, since the beginning of time. But these humans are just so concentrated on looking in the mirror and trying to beautify themselves that they lose sense of what beauty really is." These realizations made Peter feel blissful, he couldn't stop observing the mountains, imagining all the life that is and used to be. 

The Never Ending Story

A lit cigarette burned slow between peters chapped lips, the smoke crawled up his pale face, and left its signature stench in his messy, uncombed, brown hair. He sat in his favorite chair, it was 2 am and he could see flashes of lightning in the distance, there's was no audible thunder but he waited patiently for the rain, he liked the rain. He took a long drag, held the smoke in for a while, then let it out slowly, savoring every last puff like it was his last. Peter had lost all emotion at this point, happiness, sadness, grief, pain, laughter... He was just a blob, nothing, he had nothing to look forward to, nothing to desire, he'd completely lost his mind. His days consisted of fighting dragons, mixing ingredients and making potions, and making steel plated armor. Some days he'd pick up an ak47 and shoot down nazi zombies, then he'd take a break and smoke a cigarette and go right back to where he left off. Other days he'd just sit and watch his fish tank, staring at it for so long he was convinced that he was a fish swimming inside the aquarium, floating so gracefully between the plants, and chasing his other companions. Peters mind had become blank, he had lost contact with all human life, and he did not desire interaction with anyone, he liked his world just the way it was. The days he had to do errands were nightmares. There were always awkward looks and situations, he never knew what to say and if he did.. Well he'd only make it awkwardly painful. His sentences weren't long, he never tried to have a conversation, he just wanted to get to the point, and get out. One thing Peter did love was sleeping.. He liked the darkness, the quiet, the dreams that he could almost never remember. It's too late for Peter, but his stories will never end.

Earth To Stranger

Peter had had too much to drink, his opinions were like kittens he was giving them away... "It's time I let everybody know.... My favorite color is red! My head is full of dread, my thoughts have turned to knots, and if I had to make the right decision, I'd probably go left. If anybody ever counted on me, I'd probably sing the alphabet, and if you ever thought I could be someone to look up to, you'd better look down. I'm no comedian, I'm no clown, I'm just a regular person, with an alter ego that expresses his nothingness for life. A sense of release, getting drunk at night listening to old music and wishing I lived in the past. I'll never judge a book by its cover, but I sure as hell will make assumptions, and until you prove me wrong, I will stick to those precautions. I may be rambling, but that's what I like to do. When I hang out with my true friends, I sit in silence and enjoy the company, talking is completely obsolete, actions speak louder then words, and what's even better then any action in the world, is sitting in silence by someone you cherish and bask in the glorious sounds of our planet earth. People get bored easy, and don't appreciate what's important, they like loud music, and stupid sounds that come from a computer, open your ears to the sound of earths first concept of music, the crickets, the birds, the frogs, they were here long before us, their music is older then light itself. Come back down to earth, you've gone way too far!" 

Can't Find A Way Back

Peter was unsure... Unsure of his decisions, unsure of where he lived, unsure of what he believed, he wasn't sure of what he saw on a daily basis, it all felt like a dream, he was unsure of life itself.. He wasn't sure of where he was going, or what he wanted to do, he wasn't even sure of why. Peter didn't see a point in living, he saw no point in being social, he didn't want to talk to anybody or be around people. He hated everybody, but he hated himself even more. Talking was a useless human interaction, and emotions were even less useful. He soaked his bones with alcohol and let all the excess water pour out of his body. He wanted to care, he wanted to love, he wanted to make someone feel special, but he's long forgotten how to do any of that, he's spent too much time wallowing in his own pity that he's just forgotten.. Forgotten to the point where he won't even let anyone into his life to remind him what life is all about, "but honestly," he said aloud under the polluted night sky, "life is simpler this way,  I have less to worry about and it's very satisfying," little things made him happy, and big problems never bothered him, all he ever worried about we're if he had enough cigarettes and alcohol to make it through the night... And he had plenty of both. He took another sip from his cup, "solitude is bliss, forget all the outside problems, as long as I have a place to rest my head and close my eyes, maybe one of these nights I won't open them ever again!" He didn't need love, he didn't need friends, he didn't need a home or a car, God gave us feet, and I damn sure will use them!" He chuckled, there really wasn't anything funny but he just laughed at himself and how far he had gotten to being absolutely nobody in a land of nothing.